Vietnamese Iced Coffee a.k.a. The Horrors of Making Your Own Sweetened Condensed Milk

by christypaul2013

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3 cups whole milk
1 1/3 cups granulated sugar
Mix. Simmer on Low.

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Snowy white, baby cow food. So innocent. There’s no way this will turn into a ten-hour torture session…

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Simmer on low for one million hours, and you should have something similar to this.
Actually, I gave up after about 4 hours and kicked up the heat to medium-high, stirring constantly for about 30 minutes to get to this point.
Mix in:
6 Tbsp Butter (Butter didn’t give Paula Deen diabetes!)
1 Tbsp (imitation) Vanilla Extract (or don’t.)

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Yield: About one mason jar + enough for 2 coffees.
Was it worth it?
Only if you don’t have a job.

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Tiny coffee maker.
2 Tbsp coffee (I used a fine grind, but you probably shouldn’t.)

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Look at that damn coffee in there.

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Insert tampy-thing. Twist a little, like one-turn little, or even less… Don’t over-tighten it, is what I’m trying to say. Or do. It’s YOUR coffee.

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Place coffee contraption over glass with life-stealing condensed milk.

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Pour boiling, lava-hot water into apparatus.

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This reminds me of a Rugrats episode where the babies think adults drink mud in the morning.

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Sweet, black nectar of the gods.

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You can continue to add hot water if you want to weaken the coffee, but why not dump it directly in the toilet?

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Mix until homogeny ensues. I like forks for their whisk-like properties.

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Add ice cubes and a straw, and try to convince yourself there wasn’t anything you wanted to get done today, anyway.

A coarser grind of coffee might result in fewer specks in your final product, but if specks are good enough for fancy vanilla ice cream, then they’re good enough for me. ^_-

Dear god, why didn’t I just make orange juice?

Christy

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