We see you’ve made some sort of “New Year’s Resolution.” We’re gonna need you to stop that. – Ralph’s Management Team

by christypaul2013

ImageMisguided as it might be, there are a lot of people who want to try to lose weight this year by eating tiny portions of processed foods… And this is just plain mean.

I wonder how much market research went into this sale. I know that the lure of the internet has grown exponentially in these first eleven days of the new year.

Maybe this is the limit of the human resolve.

Think about it, though, what use would ancient humans have for an attention span of more than two weeks? What, am I making a rocket ship? Why do I need to be able to focus for that long?

The reality is that we [humans] do not have long-term self-control. We are a direct product of our environment, and if we want to change our habits, we have to take the initiative to understand and control our surroundings. If you have soda in your refrigerator, you will drink it. If you shop in the processed food aisles, you will buy mass quantities of cheap garbage. It’s too appealing… FREE.

Coming to Ralph’s to buy another week’s worth of flavorless, over-priced, fat-free (LOL), boneless, skinless chicken parts? Maybe you should reward yourself with Butterfinger ice cream. Yeah, that’s not our hand we slapped you with.

Or, better yet, why not try our non-fat ice cream? That way, you can eat 2-3 times as much, without that pesky “full” feeling.

Hmm, I wonder if Lean Cuisine and Dreyer’s are under the same parent company? Damn hamster wheel of necessity! I would do some research to find out, but I won’t.

Man, I am a drag.