Who’s Next?

by christypaul2013

I’ve always heard that, when writing a script, it’s a good idea to write with an actor in mind. That way, you can nail down the tone, and a script reader could plausibly visualize that actor reading the lines. Also, you don’t want to write dialogue for a Sylvester Stallone film, as if Daniel Day Lewis were speaking the lines. They tried that once with Spy Kids 2. Both Spy Kids were killed by Stallone spittle.

The main problem is most actors under the age of 35 are just awful. I’m not sure if it’s a generational thing and Facebook has baked America’s young minds, or if it takes a few years for an actor to be perfectly seasoned. Try watching footage of Denzel Washington at 22; it’s impossible. Denzel personally burned the tapes during a drunken Labor Day weekend in ’02.

There are a handful of young actors who don’t make me want to take a fork to my circle lenses when they enter frame. Jennifer Lawrence is easily the best actress of her generation. She’s so good, she’s going to win an Oscar this year for a part written for a 30 year old. When your biggest competition is Kristen Stewart, getting the good film roles is easy peasy.

As for the males, let us hope and pray somebody shows up soon. Andrew Garfield showed promise in Social Network, but he and Emma Stone made me long for Tobey Maguire and Kristen Dunst in The Amazing Spiderman. Hate on Kristen Dunst’s foot face all you want, she’s a fine actress. And I mean fiiine. Seriously, go Netflix Melonchalia, then report back to me on how good she was. God, I miss Netflix.

For now, I’m stuck writing teen roles with a 47 year old Jonah Hill in mind. You know what, to hell with writing with young actors in mind. From now on, I’m writing as if everything is meant to be a one man show starring Christopher Walken. Look out world, here we come!