Top 10 Reasons I Have No Fashion Sense

by christypaul2013

Feeling inspired by The Metallic Dapper‘s blog, I thought I’d write a little about my unusual relationship with this thing we call clothing.

Ahem, it all started in middle school…

It was the first time I can recall having any say in what I wore, and I chose to wear these:

JNCO Jeans

Do you remember JNCO Jeans? Neither does anyone else.
Photo credit: http://farm9.staticflickr.com/

The horror! Oh, but you’ve seen girls wear baggy jeans with a tiny shirt and look fine, you say?

BOOM!

jnco shirt

It was all this, or worse…
*Hangs head in shame.*
Photo: atomicmall.com

Yep. I shopped exclusively from the Goody’s boy’s section. In retrospect, I’m surprised that my mother never said anything about my gender-bending clothing choices; but then again, she never said anything about my obsession with pro-wrestling or my conspicuous lack of female friends, either. Okay, so maybe the poor clothing choices were understandable.

the rock smackdown

Anyone remember The Rock’s grandma-shirt phase?
And HE was the most fashionable guy I knew*!
*you know what I mean… -__-
photo: http://whatistheexcel.com/wooobooru/post/view/3933

As I grew up, I found different reasons to avoid fashion.

At 5’6″ or 168 cm, I am taller than the average female bear, and like many of the Asian persuasion, I carry my height in my torso. I also have an unacceptably large butt for my weight class – at least, that’s what jean manufacturers seem to be telling me.

What does this mean for clothes? It means that pants that can accomodate my butt don’t fit in the waist and drag on the ground, and shirts that I’m not drowning in look comically short, if I stand up straight.

The changing room feels like an unsolicited trip to the circus.

Now that I’m 25 and about out of the age range that fashion targets, I guess I can finally breathe a sigh of relief that it’s over for me; but in the back of my mind, I’m plagued by the fact that I never developed an appreciation for women’s clothing.

Some confusing mannequins from the mall:

Photo Jan 19, 5 20 06 PM

Are those preschooler socks?
And are these outfits meant for hiking?

Photo Jan 19, 5 14 33 PM

I don’t know if those are supposed to be worn as shorts, or…?

At any rate, here are the Top 10 Reasons I Have No Fashion Sense:

#10 – I never learned to walk in high hells heels. / Nike is about the only brand of shoe I can tolerate the look and feel of, which makes wearing dresses… difficult.

#9 – I loathe shopping for clothes. It takes too long, I don’t know what I’m looking at, and I don’t know anyone with the patience for it.

#8 – I find feminine clothes to be emasculating. Yes, I’m probably too attached to my self-perceived masculinity. It’s my psychological security blanket. 0_O

#7 – When I wear feminine clothing, I feel like I get dirty looks from women and men. Different kinds of dirty looks, but you get the idea. Deleted Scene: {I’m not a modest person, but I do not prescribe to the “hate on me, bitches” mentality. I know that sometimes the stank eye is given out of jealousy, and if I can help it, I would rather not participate in the negative hate-spiral that is women comparing themselves to other women.}

#6 – After years of never wearing shorts/dresses, due to feeling self-conscious (damn, I’m using that word a lot) about my legs, I now have moon-legs. : P Haha, moon legs.

#5 – I have no tolerance for the cold. I envy girls who can wear a dress in 40 degree weather. A stiff, north-easterly wind makes me angry enough to murder the last baby panda.

#4 – Already mentioned this, but I’m oddly proportioned.

#3 – I’ve never had a friend who was into fashion.

#2 – Keeping up with fashion trends can be expensive, and I has no money. 

#1 – I refuse to own a purse, as I invariably lose them on my first outing, so anything I wear must have pockets. I have nightmares about not having pockets…

As I review this entry, it occurs to me that I should grow a pair. If hyper-masculinity is part of who I am, then I ought to be able to wear women’s clothing without being such a p*##y about it, right?

I’ll keep you guys posted – maybe I’ll go back to that mall and try on some crazy mannequin’s outfit.

Christy

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