While thinking about the old Nickelodeon show Allegra’s Window, I’ve realized that I’m broken. All I currently know about Allegra’s Window is that a puppet’s name was Allegra, and there was probably a window involved. I used to have a wealth of knowledge about all things pop culture. There was a time when I could name most of the technicolored muppets from Allegra’s Window and wonder what they would be up to these days. (I’m willing to bet Allegra would have rainbow dreadlocks and play awful Norah Jones cover’s out her window every night. Allegra would be the worst.) Entertainment tidbits that I didn’t know, I’d just google and spend an hour or two catching up. SInce I’m no longer allowed these google refresher courses about which actor played the comic relief in the 1998 Disney movie, Brink, I feel like I’m losing my touch. It’s probably for the best, but it does bum me out.
Once in college, a high school friend called me out of the blue, asking what actor played the bad guy in Blade Runner. I’d never seen Blade Runner, but knew that it was Rutger Hauer. I couldn’t pick Rutger Hauer out of a lineup of one, but that name rattled out of my brain like crayons from George W. Bush’s briefcase. If I was asked that question now, without having seen the movie, my friend would be sorely disappointed Of course, he could just as easily google or iMDB the information now. He could’ve done that back then, now that I think about it. I’ve got lazy friends.
*As a side note to any cinema purist, shocked that I hadn’t seen Blade Runner at the time, please know that I attempted to watch it a few years ago and fell asleep 5 minutes in. Unless he’s cracking a whip or flying the Millenium Falcon, Harrison Ford is typically a bad actor. There’s a reason he was working as a carpenter in his mid-thirties before George Lucas threw him a bone.
I’ve really enjoyed 2013 so far. I no longer feel the urge to waste 8 hours a day watching shows and movies I’d already seen 4 times before. I DO still have the desire to jump out of a moving car whenever I pass a Taco Bell. Baby steps, I guess. At the beginning of this media ban, I fully expected to spend the first week of 2014 locked away in some sleazy motel room, re-uploading all of this useless information to my brain. Now, I realize just how useless it all is. Unless Ed Mcmahon’s zombie bones show up to my door tomorrow, offering me some oversized check if I know who played the love interest in Caddyshack, pop culture has done nothing but steal months from my life. It would be pretty awesome to shotgun blast Ed Mcmahon’s corpse, though.
Paul really misses tacos.