Christy and Paul 2013

A year without internet, media and junkfood. Lord, help us.

Month: March, 2013

I’m Going to See Daniel Petrie, Jr. & Franklin Leonard!

Well, I guess I should say WE, since Paul is also going, and driving, and he bought the tickets. Anywho… AFF Presents.

At the Los Angeles Film School, Austin Film Festival screenplay competition director Matt Dy,  Academy Nicholl Fellowship in Screenwriting director Greg Beal, and Black List founder Franklin Leonard will be having a public conversation moderated by AFF Board Member and former Writers Guild of America West President Daniel Petrie, Jr.


Blacklist Founder Franklin Leonard

I hate Hollywood and everything in it, but I get to see one of the Turner and Hooch writers, so… It evens out. I guess. Afterwards, there’s also some happy hour thing at some bougie restaurant that serves $13 eggs. I DOUBT the speakers will be in attendance, but it’ll be interesting to see what crowd shows up.


Turner and Hooch Writer/Exec Producer

I’ll let you know what I find out tomorrow, but it probably won’t be anything you haven’t heard before. : P I just want to know how much my 10-wrylies-a-page will affect my chances of anyone ever reading it. I:LOVE:WRYLIES! 



Celebration: Round Two / YouTube Video of Me Drunkenly Nagging Paul

Round One went surprisingly well. The moonshine didn’t hit me that hard, which leads me to question the whole 80 proof thing. But Round Two…




Everyone tried EVERYTHING.


Lovely… Or so it may appear!

In case you were wondering what the general consensus on each mixer was, you’re in luck. Just for you, we all got face-wasted and rated each of the mixers on a scale of 1 to 10. Please remember that none of us are really drinkers, and we don’t really like the taste of alcohol.


Peach: 6
Pineapple Coconut: 7 (pineapple upside down cake-ish, downside: it looks like jizz)
Banana Pineapple: 6


Strawberry Banana: 6.5
Guanabana: 6.5
Aquas Frescos Tamarind: 7 (Paul gave it a 10. He said it tastes like iced coffee)


Apricot Mango: 7
Mango: 6
Papaya: 6.5
Just a bunch of fruits Americans don’t eat.


Pineapple Orange Passionfruit: 8.5 (angel food cake)
Pineapple: 8 (I gave it a 9. I think it masks the vodka flavor well)
Strawberry: 8 (strawberry shortcake)


Apple: 7 (Paul really liked it)
Coconut Juice: 6.5 (I gave it an 8. It tastes like coconut cake to me)
Club Soda: 3.5 (WTF?)

We watched an awesomely awkward episode of The Graham Norton Show on YouTube with Sarah Silverman, a very drunk Mark Walberg and poor, unsuspecting Michael Fassbender. If you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favor, and say “Hi,” to your mother for me. <– a sentence where the comma makes a difference.

After we finished off the vodka, we went back to the moonshine and then to the Applejack I bought for cooking. That’s the problem with booze, all there is to do when you get drunk is get more drunk. And we did.

Round Two ended the next day when I woke up with a headache that can only be described visually:

I wanted to die, it hurt so bad. My whole body felt like sh*t, but my headache was excruciating. I read that you’re supposed to eat, drink water, sleep and NOT take aspirin, but I couldn’t do the first three with the pain as intense as it was. After about an hour of whimpering in the fetal position, I realized that the only cure was hu-hmm, that other thing they prescribe to people who’ve been poisoned. It was a temporary fix, but it helped me get through the headache and sleep… and eat. -_^

The next day, I woke up after 16+ hours of sleep and still had a terrible headache. More medicine. More sleep. I woke up the third day with a normal hangover and normal headache, and slept for about another day and a half. I paid for one night of drinking with a week of not getting anything done. I never want to drink to get drunk again. Seriously.

 I’ve written zero pages on the screenplay this week, and even though I felt physically better yesterday, I decided to edit the hour of drunken footage we had instead, because I’ve been on a YouTube bender and I can’t look at a boring script page right now! I really need to re-devote (*revote*) myself to this no-internet cause, cause I look like a damn fool.

Speaking of damn foolery, my first YouTube video (of me):

(Yes, when I get drunk, I have a pretty horrifying Southern/made-up accent)


Celebration: Round One








Let’s see what Asian + Rarely Drinking + Moonshine + Vodka yields. 

This post will be edited/possibly deleted later.



I just finished my first full-length first draft! It’s a spindly-armed f*cker at 89 pages, but I’ll tell myself that’s because it’s too tight. For the next few days, anyway.

Paul is sitting behind me, currently in the process of finishing the first draft of his TV pilot, and tonight, we’re going to sit down and have a drunken round table. Maybe the booze will make the acting part less awful. Or more awful. 50/50.

Fun facts about this first draft:

  1. It’s taken a little more than a month to flesh out the idea, plot it, re-plot it, re-re-plot it and finish the crappy first draft.
  2. I wrote in waves. I definitely didn’t feel like writing pages every day. If that means that I’m not a natural writer… I’m not a natural writer.
  3. Though not a hard deadline, I feel like wanting to get it done in a month helped, because about three weeks in, I started to get lost in the forest.
  4. Last week, I set a hard deadline for today and made Paul and my husband agree to the deadline for their own projects, whether they wanted to or not.
  5. Since I set the deadline, I’ve been squirreling away as many rewards for this weekend as I could get my hands on, i.e. distracting myself from over-thinking the script.
  • Brie
  • Fancy crackers
  • $13.99/lb parma prosciutto (all to compliment the first kumquat marmalade I made)
  • AND I also happened to receive a gift card to Bevmo yesterday (for cat sitting, random), which I took as a sign that I should try 3 Olives Cake Vodka.
  • If Paul gets moonshine and fried chicken as a reward for himself, I will post pictures. Hell, I’ll post pictures of an empty table if he doesn’t.

Time to be my regular old hedonist-self for two days.

Side note: I think the closer I got to finishing the draft, the more confident I felt, as evidenced by my increase in self-photography and increased usage of profanity. I guess we won’t know until we get a bigger sample size.


79 Pages and Face Painting

I reached page 79 of my screenplay today, and I rewarded myself (preemptively) by painting my face like K-Pop star Hyuna from the Gangnam Style music video… and taking pictures… and writing a blog post.

Photo on 3-5-13 at 9.51 PM

Another one of these posts?!

Photo on 3-5-13 at 9.50 PM

Yup. It’s my blog, bitches!

I disagree with the saying, “Starting is the hardest part.” When I started this script, I had loads of energy. The pages were blank, the potential limitless. But in the final 10-15 page stretch, all I have staring back at me is first-draft dreck. Finishing is the hardest part! There, I said it. 😛 How many unfinished projects do you have? Plenty. How many do you have that you haven’t started on, at all? None. MAYBE one. Don’t start making up projects just to be a contrary Mary. When you want to do something, starting ain’t too bad. Finishing? Brutal.

I call this picture: UNDERSTANDING.

Photo on 3-5-13 at 9.53 PM #2


Anywho, I wanted to do a side-by-side comparison of my makeup and Hyuna’s, so I needed to match her expression, which I honestly cannot identify. What is she feeling?! 


Lusty? Upset? Be more specific with your facial expressions!

My first attempt was a bust. I look like a RealDoll or a very pious Catholic.

Photo on 3-5-13 at 9.53 PM #3

Lars and the Real Girl

A few attempts later, I did the best I was willing to do.

Photo on 3-5-13 at 10.08 PM #5

Yes, that’s the one.



Battle of the Vacant Expressions

Hopefully, I’ll think of something more productive to do than put makeup on for no reason. It’s a better go-to than smoking hookah all the time, I guess. Hmm, now I want to smoke…

Oh, if you haven’t seen Black Dynamite, do.

Almost forgot to tell the latest Paul story. Paul goes to work at 5:00. He gets ready in a bathroom attached to the laundry room in the back of our house. At about 8:30, I heard what sounded like the washing machine going, despite the fact that I had not put any clothes in the washer. I went back to check what it was and found the sink in Paul’s bathroom running full blast. When I called to alert Paul of his curious blunder, and perhaps to suggest he see a doctor, he had the brass boobs to try to spread culpability to me for thinking that the washing machine had been going for 3 1/2 hours. SORRY PAUL! I’ve never had reason to suspect anyone of turning on a sink faucet so hard they could sprain a wrist, only to leave the house completely unawares.

“I’m sorry I’m not the most borrrring person ever! Okay? I’m sorry I’m not poor. I’m sorry I don’t have a fat ass! I’m sorry I’m not… Hey, where you going?” – Samantha James, Just Friends