Why Do I Do This Again?

by christypaul2013

Recently, I’ve been waking to a sneaking suspicion that I’m doomed. Maybe this is normal at this stage of screenwriting.

I’ve set an April 19th deadline for finishing the script and sending it to Blacklist 2.0 for review. I haven’t written in days. It’s not writer’s block. I think it’s a fear of having to rip the screenplay to shreds only to find there’s nothing left. I need courage. Or to stop being so lazy. Or both.

I haven’t been blogging. I tell myself it’s punishment for my lack of forward progress on the screenplay, but I don’t trust me anymore. Maybe it’s embarrassment? Maybe it’s because I’m not a natural writer, and my desire to write is in ebb. I’ve probably got to get over that, if I want to be a professional screenwriter.

Why do I do this again? A few years ago, I would have said it was because I wanted to break into the industry to become an indie writer/director, à la Woody Allen. Now, I want to be a screenwriter so I can work from home and support my husband and myself. It may not be the interview answer, but it’s the truth. So, now, I feel a tremendous pressure to make this screenplay work/sell, despite the process being out of my hands and it being my first screenplay. <–Working screenwriters might enjoy taking a swipe at me for the audacity of this statement, and they’re welcome to, if they can catch me! But surriously, I assume no one devotes months of financial instability to something they don’t think can make them money in the long run, right?

All right. I went to the AFF talk and recorded the whole thing. I was hoping that there would be a way to upload the audio here, but if there is a way, wordpress has made it difficult. I spoke briefly with Franklin Leonard and Daniel Petrie, Jr. If you’ve never met a quasi-celebrity in real life (I’ve also talked to Aziz Ansari), might I not recommend it? Well, maybe just once, for the experience. You, too, can speak with someone jaded to human contact, then walk away feeling like a weirdo, sub-human groupie when they tell you they’re in a rush to leave, but wait! They turned right around to go talk with a table of “real people,” i.e. hollywood folk, four feet away. Hooray for the caste system!

If anyone knows how I can get the talk up here or sumthin, I’ll upload it and you can hear the sales pitches and pep talks from the heads of screenwriting contests and the possibly high/intoxicated ramblings of the guy who wrote Butter. I should probably add some pictures to this post.