by christypaul2013

It’s 6:30PM, and I’m enjoying my first and only cup of bone broth. I’ve been cleaning house all day to prepare for a photographer to take pictures so our landlords can try to sell the house without having to negotiate rent with us. <– probably a run-on sentence. Is it wrong to clutter up your place intentionally? Not dirty, just… cluttered. We haven’t been using the TV and game consoles, but it might be a great time to bring ’em out. We’ve got an old monitor that we don’t use either… hmm…

I haven’t been particularly hungry today, but my thoughts on food swung wildly. I could feel my inner-child, who happens to also be my adult self, kicking violently about not being able to give myself what I wanted when I wanted. I mean, I felt physically weak, not from hunger, but from a mental temper tantrum over not being able to get my way. I felt like crying, even knowing, logically, that there was no way I would break my fast for a cookie. How could I go so long without noticing this part of myself? I suppose it’s like the kid who’s well-behaved as long as he always has a candy bar in his hand. Sneaky.

Since I’ve been an adult, there’s been virtually nothing that I’ve had to deprive myself of. In fact, for people in the first world, there’s very little that any of us have to deprive ourselves of. It makes any kind of deprivation seem like the end of the world, although, only when it’s happening to us, right? How else have we become spoiled? How have we not been spoiled? Entertainment, information, food, travel. Even work. I’m not sure, but I feel like deadlines and punishments are softer these days. In some aspects, it’s fine to be spoiled, I guess. I’m sure most of us would prefer it to the alternative, but I wonder, what does it do to our work ethic? Is being able to handle deprivation the same thing as being able to push yourself to do the work? These… are questions.

In other news, I feel like I can see better? Oh, and I weigh the same today as I did yesterday. 119lbs. Interesting… Maybe it’s because 119’s what I normally weigh.

It’s the BIG TEXAS BUTTERS SHOW!!! Happy traaaaaillllls to yoooouuuuu.