Fatties Go Home!

by christypaul2013

Instead of candy, one brave woman is giving the prized hogs in her neighborhood this note for Halloween. It has caused an outrage and people are calling her a bully. Not me!

I salute this Patriot for pointing out the childhood obesity epidemic sweeping this once slender-hipped nation. People are always telling kids that they can be whatever they want when they grow up. Well…fatties can’t. Fatties can’t Twerk at the VMA’s. Fatties can’t  join NASA. (And eventually be lost in Space due to Russia ruining everything!) The United States government is even forcing Chris Christie to go four years without going on a Templeton-style food binge just so he can run for President!

I just want to be President!

I just want to be President!


Halloween is not a right, it’s a privilege! I’ve got no idea why people ever agreed to spend their hard earned money on candy for  total strangers. This woman has the right to pass out Richard Simmon’s Sweatin’ to the Oldies VHS tapes to any little  Dr. Who with pudgy, chocolate-covered fingers expecting a free handout.

I won’t be stopping with the children this year. Even if the child is petite, if they are flanked by parents dressed as Subway Jared’s BEFORE picture, no candy for them. It’s the parent’s job to set the standard for beauty in the household. I’m not giving some ankle biter a Reese cup when I know good and well that Mamma June is going to hoover it down before they even get to the car.

Guess who's getting carrot sticks..

Guess who’s getting carrot sticks..

In conclusion, Bah Humbug and stay the hell off my lawn!

By Paul. Owner of the 100th Post.