Bradley Cooper is the New Nicolas Cage

by christypaul2013

Bradley Cooper is going to kill us all.

Don’t ask me now, just know that his childlike laughter will be the last sound you hear.

I was just watching an old interview Bradley Cooper did with Craig Ferguson and this guy really creeps me out. He ends the interview by chastising Craig for thinking that Robert DeNiro hadn’t been good in a film recently. We all know that DeNiro’s last great film was Rocky and Bullwinkle. (I reeealy want to see the movie where DeNiro and John Travolta hunt each other in the woods. Travolta is using a Russian accent!)

I’ve read multiple interviews where Bradley Cooper refers to The Elephant Man as one of his great inspirations. Isn’t that creepy enough?


This is what Bradley Cooper sees in the mirror.

When a former Sexiest Man Alive feels low he thinks of the above image and he feels hope. I feel like Bradley Cooper is a pretty big actor these days and instead of spending his precious time off relaxing, Bradley appeared in a Regional Production of the play. He just really wants to America to experience his pain first-hand.


I can’t stop laughing

That is some real Nicolas Cage shit! 

Think about it. What other young actor is capable of achieving Cage-iness? Nicolas Cage has the gift of knowing what roles fit his garbage bag wearing prophet character best and that’s why he’s always entertaining. Outside of All about Steve, I can’t think of a bad Bradley Cooper movie. When he’s not baby-sitting Zack Galifinakis, he goes off and makes Silver Linings Playbook. (Which was ROBBED for best picture. Stupid Ape Lincoln…)


Hey you! You’re handsome. And where are your eyebrows?

I promise if you make a movie where they play father and son…in space…you’ve got a modest hit in Taiwan. Cage and Cooper would show up to the premiere in  coats made from the skins from the catering crew.

Once America has gotten used to his bird nose, I have a feeling Bradley Cooper is going to be around for a long time. Like Cage, he’ll pick just enough whacked-out roles to keep his inner demons seduced by the limelight. Also Cooper and Cage are vampires so they’ll still be making buddy cop films in 2213.

I just want him to stop talking about his “craft” in interviews and to learn some manners. Craig Ferguson is a great man. 

This has been Paul with the weather.



Kill it! Kill it with fire!




P.S. That means Al Pacino begot Nicolas Cage who behooved Bradley Cooper