Does Paul Look Like Nicholas Hoult?
Nicholas Hoult? Reeeeally? Come on Paul, you’re fooling yourself. You’re way better looking than Nicholas Hoult. Also, who the hell is Nicholas Hoult?
Today somebody said I looked juuuuuust like Nicholas Hoult. Apparently they willingly sat through Warm Bodies and I was the spitting image of the main zombie guy. Thanks to my lanky, orangutang arms and my pale skin, apparently I could have been his stand-in. (For those keeping track at home I’m whiter than a polar bear eating an egg-white omelette on Carrot Tops milky skin. Sunlight and I have issues. My issue is that it’s hot outside.)
My first thought was “Thank God they didn’t say Buscemi again.” I have the sleepless eyes of a meth-addled bloodhound so I’ve heard that I look like Steve Buscemi more times than I’d like. I don’t look like Steve “The Raccoon” Buscemi!
My second thought was eww! Nicholas Hoult is gross and Warm Bodies was terrible! Nicholas Hoult is only bearable when you toss a blue rug on top of him and call him Beast.
Finally, I realized that I should be thankful that someone thinks I might look like a guy who is handsome enough to fool some studio into torching $200 million of their hard earned lunch money on Jack the Giant Slayer. And again, at least she didn’t say Buscemi. Or Michael Shannon. I get it, I look like Michael Shannon. That’s my cross to bear. Let’s move on.
Something dawned upon my face a few minutes ago. Nicholas Hoult is with Jennifer Lawrence. My coworker said I bear a passing resemblance to some dude who is banging J-LAW!?! Me, little Paul from the wrong sides of da track. I’m one banana peel slip away from being attractive to J-LAW!?!
I like saying J-LAW!?!
Do I think like I look like Nicholas Hoult?? Nah, not really. But in my mind’s eye I’m the spitting image of a slightly less sexually aggressive James Spader so what do i know? I’ll let the people decide. Thats right, the people!
Soooo Christy. Christy and the cat. They get to decide. They are the people. Meow.
This has been Paul.
Papusa Prowl ’13 begins NOW!