Ladies and Gentlemen, My Name is Paul…

by christypaul2013

…Heyman.

heyman barbwire

Christy had the selfish idea to pull me out of my lazy-hole so we could write something soon. I’ve been racking my brain trying to think of the “perfect” thing to write. I decided I wasn’t going to worry about how commercial an idea was, or if script readers would like it. I spend so much time trying to foolproof ideas so they reach the biggest possible audience that eventually I just get bored and write nothing at all. If I’m going to sit down in a chair for an extended amount of time, I’m going to write what I want. Well I’ve found my idea.

Can I be the laziest Paul Heyman Guy?

Can I be the laziest Paul Heyman Guy?

I’m a lifelong wrestling fan. When I realized that wrestling wasn’t real it didnt lose its magic, it just made me want to know how the trick was performed. (I’m quite pleased with that line) I genuinely respect the wrestlers for putting their bodies on the line and performing a new show every week. Clowns freak me out so its the closest thing to the Circus I’ll tolerate.

doink

Seriously..Clowns are the worst

Last night I watched a new wrestling documentary about the career of Paul Heyman, “Ladies and Gentleman, My Name is Paul Heyman“. Paul Heyman was blessed with the gift of gab. He can make any wrestling storyline entertaining and he holds the audience in the palm of his pudgy hands. However, Paul Heyman is fat which disgusts me so I’ve never really cared about what he does off-camera. I assumed he was eating.

heyman bearer

He dressed as Paul Bearer weeks after the man died, just to piss off the audience.

Turns out, Paul Heyman’s life story was one of the most interesting documentaries I’ve ever seen. It was the history of modern-wrestling from the view point of a man who would lose a pillow fight, much less a wrestling match. Every person interviewed agreed on one thing: Paul is a genius. He understands what the audience wants and he gives it to them. Also Paul is an absolute hustler whos been involved with wrestling since he was 13 and scammed his way into a Madison Square Garden press-badge. He has been involved with just about every wrestling promotion on the planet and helped mold what wrestling is today as an on-air talent as well as behind the scenes.

heyman-styles

Basically Paul’s story is Almost Famous meets Social Network but for once the lead is INCREDIBLY active. Theres no chance in hell that I can do his story justice, but I’m gonna try. This is a movie that would never be made due to several different wrestling promotions and million dollar empires being involved. Like I said earlier, I don’t care. This is what I want to write about. I want to spend the next few months focused on the history of wrestling and how to retell it because its something that I love. How could that be boring?

See? Vince doesnt think its boring

See? Vince doesnt think its boring

I apologize for how poorly written this article is. It’s the first time in months that I’ve stopped clicking on Facebook pictures and Taylor Swift videos long enough to do anything productive. Also it doesnt help when your friend is basically the Babe Ruth of blogging. Seriously this article is a Bazooka Joe gum wrapper compared to the opus Christy posted a few days ago.

I realize that I’m lazy and that will never change. I hope that putting my intentions on this blog will at least shame me enough to write a few pages. If I dont write something within a few days this idea will start to sound stupid to me like all the others. I hope to continually update my progress on the blog to keep me accountable. I saw how this movie should be in my head during the documentary and I think it could be EXTREME-ly interesting.

not gonna lie..never watched ECW..the people looked poor

not gonna lie..never watched ECW..the people looked poor

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