Christy and Paul 2013

A year without internet, media and junkfood. Lord, help us.

Category: Alabama Football

Ending on a High Note: A Year in Retrospect.

Well, it’s that time of year again. You know, the end of it. It’s a time to conjure up a new reason to live after all the seasonal S.A.D.ness and the waking up every day after the sun’s gone down. A time to say goodbye to the blog and reflect on the results of our year-long experiment. A time to get on with it already.

But before we do that, I would like to thank everyONE in our intimate blogging community for commenting and keeping up with the Klardashienz. We’ll miss you someday.

Oh, and if you like photography, VISIT THIS PAGE!!! ==>

Photos courtesy of (with no permission) Brent's iPhone and Japan!

Photos courtesy of (with no permission) Brent’s iPhone and Japan!

Awesome and FREQUENTLY updated blog from Japan!

Awesome and FREQUENTLY updated blog from Japan!

Ahem, on with the show…


  • No internet, media watching, texting or video games.
  • ~55 WordPress posts!
  • Enter short screenwriting thingy.
  • Create
  • Cook A LOT.
  • Blow up an eggplant in the oven.
  • Take more pictures of myself than my parents have looked at me.
  • We’re sure this will be the most productive year ever!
Eggsplat. No, eggsplosion.

Eggsplat. No, eggsplosion.


  • I win a Scriptshadow shorts week spot!
  • Start work on Dog Tags.
  • I meet the Scripstshadow guy in person. He encourages me to send him the finished script.
  • We feel confident that this screenwriting thing is gonna happen, yeah!


  • Finish first draft of script.
  • Get too drunk and eat too much KFC.
  • Go to see the heads of screenplay contests lie their asses off.
Don't do it, people!

Don’t do it, people!

Bigass BUCK'T of chicken.

Bigass BUCK’T of chicken.


  • Finish up Dog Tags.
  • Send it to Scriptshadow guy who never returns my e-mail.
  • Start going to Starbucks while my husband’s at work.
  • Meet friendly local screenwriter who likes my work.
  • Experiment with fasting.


  • Get “encouraged to move” by landlords who want to sell.
  • Publish one post about apartment hunting.
  • Apartment hunt.
  • Decide that extended fasting is bull after seeing countless pictures of dull-haired anorexics with the caption: “I’m not starving, I’m feasting on fat!”
  • Win top prize at Pinup Girl Boutique drawing: fancy-shmancy skincare products, $100 worth of Masuimi Max’s makeup and my makeup done by Micheline Pitt.
So much makeup...

So much makeup…



  • Post one catch-all post.
  • Start work on gold diggers script.
  • Work on friend’s fashion magazine.
The cover on the left is my masterpiece!

The cover on the left is my masterpiece!


  • Another one-post month.
  • Start to get into quantum physics and the meaning of existence.
  • Start to realize that we do what we want, and that I must not “want” to be a screenwriter.


  • Call my parents from Pasadena “just because” for the first time.
  • Stab myself in hand with paring knife. It leaves a scar.
  • Start my search for my birth parents.
  • My dad falls and breaks his leg. He stays in the hospital for over two weeks, but I never call.
  • My dad dies in the hospital.
Me and my dad. I'm the one in the pink. Check out that crazy 80's light fixture!

Me and my dad. I’m the confused one in the pink. Check out that crazy 80’s light fixture!


Paul's Fanciest Birfday Present

Paul’s Fanciest Birfday Present


  • Sign up for Nanowrimo.
  • Throw Paul’s Christmas Birthday.
  • Give up on Nanowrimo.
  • Get new Nike Fuelband.
  • Go Fuelband crazy.
  • Go home for Thanksgiving.
  • Help mom get her affairs in order.
  • Get asked by Food Network for rights to our eggplant explosion pictures.


  • Paul posts a lot while we’re gone.
  • Return to LA with renewed sense of agency.
  • Paul visits Alabama.
  • After years of thinking, finally figure out the meaning of existence: there is none.
  • Feel dissatisfied with the answer and stupid for thinking it would be satisfying.
  • Get depressed.
  • Feel distant from Paul when he gets back, because we’ve lost our shared dream of screenwriting and are starting to diverge paths, or because we worship different gods, or because we haven’t been separated for this long in years. Things just feel different.
  • Bet Paul $50 he can’t go to Sunday morning church eight weeks in a row.


  • Celebrate New Year’s with Trey and Paul and Chodie Foster, uncertain where we’ll be this time next year, but grateful for the time we have left like this.
Shakes come & go... but Friends are Furrr-ever! Chuck E. Cheese's - 8/17/09

Shakes come & go…
but Friends are Furrr-ever!
Chuck E. Cheese’s – 8/17/09

Good night, dear reader, and good luck.





First Quarter

LSU QB Zach Mettenberger celebrates a smidge too early...

LSU QB Zach Mettenberger celebrates a smidge too early… Alabama recovers the ball.

A miscommunication results in an early snap, which bounces off Mettenberger's crotch.

A miscommunication results in an early snap. It bounces off Mettenberger’s crotch and Looney Toons ensues. Alabama recovers the ball.


LSU fans are in high spirits. Mettenberger has been a third down assassin, while Alabama has been fulfilling Katherine Webb’s nightmares and letting AJ make a fool of himself on national television. The Tigers might actually win this!

Is anyone else surprised Neville Longbottom is an LSU fan?

Is anyone else surprised Neville Longbottom is an LSU fan?

Fourth Quarter

Maybe LSU’s O-Line has just given up, or maybe they have some kind of beef with their gropey-QB (is he still banned from Valdosta?), but LSU’s last drive is just SACKTASTIC.

If at first you get sacked... Oh- well, sack me once, shame on-- OHH! That bitch got sacked three times!

If at first you get sacked… Oh- well, sack me once, shame on– OHH! That bitch got sacked three times!

4th Quarter. The score is 38-17 Alabama. It’s 4th and 27 at LSU 33 with 2:00 left on the clock.

Mettenberger has just taken two savage sackings for a loss of 17 yards, and decides that enough is enough. He calls a timeout and runs off the field, ostensibly to tell Coach Miles that he doesn’t wanna.” Les Miles, being the supportive coach he is, tells Mettenberger “he believes in him,” and “he’s got this,” then sprays Mettenberger in the mouth with Gatorade and shoves him back onto the field.

This is what the last play looks like:

Funniest thing I've ever seen in college football... THIS GIF NEEDS TO BE LONGER!

Funniest thing I’ve ever seen in college football… *You might have to click for GIF*

Yes, it is hilarious, not because Mettenberger is hurt (he isn’t: no one helps him up, no med team comes out to help him, and when he finally picks himself up off the ground, he runs face-first into a large teammate who also does not help him), but because of how over-the-top pathetic Mettenberger is and is pretending to be.

all GIFs courtesy of and SB Nation

all GIFs courtesy of and SB Nation

I do think it is freaking weird that Les Miles didn’t just take the poor kid out of the game. Mettenberger was throwing mini-tantrums on the sidelines (and he threw his helmet and punched a locker after this spectacle), he doesn’t get paid for this, and there was nothing to gain by keeping him in the game and risking his NFL career. I’m sure some football fans think it’s heartless to laugh at the guy’s sad-sack act, but the whole damn sport of college football is, at the moment, little more than a severe exploitation of young men’s free labor and safety for profit (of which players share exactly 0%) and entertainment. So… he who hath smelt it…



And why does everyone only make a big stink about it when a White QB gets hurt? Just saying…


Talk some more about Saban going to Texas...

Talk some more about Saban going to Texas… AJ McCarron and Katherine Webb have never met at the airport like this!