Christy and Paul 2013

A year without internet, media and junkfood. Lord, help us.

Category: Cooking

Paul’s 27th Name Day Game of Thrones Surprise Party… PICTURE AVALANCHE AHEAD!

I don’t really care for Game of Thrones. I don’t like dramas, I don’t like paying attention, and I don’t like watching dirty people. So, when Paul selfishly suggested a Game of Thrones birthday party, I told him to shove it up his butt.

Secretly, though, I started planning. I scoured the Internet for party ideas, and although I had no idea what the significance of a Ned Stark cake pop was, I knew it looked cool, so it was on the list. Dragon eggs, check. The boar that killed King Robert, check (found a place nearby that sold wild boar! I love LA.)

Meanwhile, I threw out various party ideas to Paul, lingering on them long enough to avoid suspicion, but briefly enough to assure him that whatever we did would be half-assed. I worked piecemeal on the decorations and food for a couple weeks beforehand, and while I worked, I listened to Game of Thrones in the background to try to get some context for what I was doing.

About a week before the party, I told Paul to buy a costume. I told him the theme would be the modern Golden Age of Television, and he would be someone from Game of Thrones; I would be Amy Farrah Fowler; and Trey would be someone from The Walking Dead (another show I don’t watch bc of all the dirty people).

Because Paul works nights, he comes down by bus and gets here at about 6 o’clock Saturday morning. Not wanting to arouse suspicion, I hid everything Friday night, and put a note on the refrigerator door: DO NOT OPEN! SOUFFLE INSIDE!

Later, I locked him in the cat’s crapping room for roughly an hour, under the guise of getting dinner ready.

I don’t think I’ve ever so successfully misled a person before. The look on his face, when he realized how much he’d been lied to, well, that’s the real magic… That’s what makes it all worth it. Lie to your kids, folks. -_^ They deserve it.

I informed Paul that I had seen Game of Thrones, and that I had only pretended to need an hour-long explanation of the show to better throw him off the scent. He laughed, and agreed that he had enjoyed explaining, in great detail, at my behest, who everyone was and how they were related or were not related. Okay, now I’m just lying to the poor fools who’re reading this dreck.

Anywho, Paul went all out for his Brienne of Tarth costume, so I didn’t have to bludgeon him to death with a candle. Oh, yeah, and I’m G.O.T.olerant, now.

On to the pictures!

Bread & Dragon Tea Eggs

Bread & Dragon Tea Eggs




Dothraki Stallion Heart:







Paul’s unborn child will grow big and strong.



Eat those puppies, Stan…



Rhaegal’s Egg:



Couldn’t have planned it if I tried. :]


F*ck paying $14 for one stupid dragon no one’s ever heard of! These squirt water and were $10!

Stupidly long link: Not classy, Walmart. Not classy.


Ned Stark Cake Pops:

IMG_4526IMG_4512 IMG_4525 IMG_4524 IMG_4523

IMG_4709 IMG_4699 IMG_4716IMG_4714IMG_4713


Ladybugs… They just wanna win.

Randomly found this blank banner at Target for $5!

 Perfect number of blanks for a Winter is Coming banner! White paint and three hours of your life not included.
IMG_4718 IMG_4726-Christy


Paul’s Surprise Party: The Trailer

Ending on a High Note: A Year in Retrospect.

Well, it’s that time of year again. You know, the end of it. It’s a time to conjure up a new reason to live after all the seasonal S.A.D.ness and the waking up every day after the sun’s gone down. A time to say goodbye to the blog and reflect on the results of our year-long experiment. A time to get on with it already.

But before we do that, I would like to thank everyONE in our intimate blogging community for commenting and keeping up with the Klardashienz. We’ll miss you someday.

Oh, and if you like photography, VISIT THIS PAGE!!! ==>

Photos courtesy of (with no permission) Brent's iPhone and Japan!

Photos courtesy of (with no permission) Brent’s iPhone and Japan!

Awesome and FREQUENTLY updated blog from Japan!

Awesome and FREQUENTLY updated blog from Japan!

Ahem, on with the show…


  • No internet, media watching, texting or video games.
  • ~55 WordPress posts!
  • Enter short screenwriting thingy.
  • Create
  • Cook A LOT.
  • Blow up an eggplant in the oven.
  • Take more pictures of myself than my parents have looked at me.
  • We’re sure this will be the most productive year ever!
Eggsplat. No, eggsplosion.

Eggsplat. No, eggsplosion.


  • I win a Scriptshadow shorts week spot!
  • Start work on Dog Tags.
  • I meet the Scripstshadow guy in person. He encourages me to send him the finished script.
  • We feel confident that this screenwriting thing is gonna happen, yeah!


  • Finish first draft of script.
  • Get too drunk and eat too much KFC.
  • Go to see the heads of screenplay contests lie their asses off.
Don't do it, people!

Don’t do it, people!

Bigass BUCK'T of chicken.

Bigass BUCK’T of chicken.


  • Finish up Dog Tags.
  • Send it to Scriptshadow guy who never returns my e-mail.
  • Start going to Starbucks while my husband’s at work.
  • Meet friendly local screenwriter who likes my work.
  • Experiment with fasting.


  • Get “encouraged to move” by landlords who want to sell.
  • Publish one post about apartment hunting.
  • Apartment hunt.
  • Decide that extended fasting is bull after seeing countless pictures of dull-haired anorexics with the caption: “I’m not starving, I’m feasting on fat!”
  • Win top prize at Pinup Girl Boutique drawing: fancy-shmancy skincare products, $100 worth of Masuimi Max’s makeup and my makeup done by Micheline Pitt.
So much makeup...

So much makeup…



  • Post one catch-all post.
  • Start work on gold diggers script.
  • Work on friend’s fashion magazine.
The cover on the left is my masterpiece!

The cover on the left is my masterpiece!


  • Another one-post month.
  • Start to get into quantum physics and the meaning of existence.
  • Start to realize that we do what we want, and that I must not “want” to be a screenwriter.


  • Call my parents from Pasadena “just because” for the first time.
  • Stab myself in hand with paring knife. It leaves a scar.
  • Start my search for my birth parents.
  • My dad falls and breaks his leg. He stays in the hospital for over two weeks, but I never call.
  • My dad dies in the hospital.
Me and my dad. I'm the one in the pink. Check out that crazy 80's light fixture!

Me and my dad. I’m the confused one in the pink. Check out that crazy 80’s light fixture!


Paul's Fanciest Birfday Present

Paul’s Fanciest Birfday Present


  • Sign up for Nanowrimo.
  • Throw Paul’s Christmas Birthday.
  • Give up on Nanowrimo.
  • Get new Nike Fuelband.
  • Go Fuelband crazy.
  • Go home for Thanksgiving.
  • Help mom get her affairs in order.
  • Get asked by Food Network for rights to our eggplant explosion pictures.


  • Paul posts a lot while we’re gone.
  • Return to LA with renewed sense of agency.
  • Paul visits Alabama.
  • After years of thinking, finally figure out the meaning of existence: there is none.
  • Feel dissatisfied with the answer and stupid for thinking it would be satisfying.
  • Get depressed.
  • Feel distant from Paul when he gets back, because we’ve lost our shared dream of screenwriting and are starting to diverge paths, or because we worship different gods, or because we haven’t been separated for this long in years. Things just feel different.
  • Bet Paul $50 he can’t go to Sunday morning church eight weeks in a row.


  • Celebrate New Year’s with Trey and Paul and Chodie Foster, uncertain where we’ll be this time next year, but grateful for the time we have left like this.
Shakes come & go... but Friends are Furrr-ever! Chuck E. Cheese's - 8/17/09

Shakes come & go…
but Friends are Furrr-ever!
Chuck E. Cheese’s – 8/17/09

Good night, dear reader, and good luck.


Walk to the Mall

The only problem with the walk to the mall, other than it being 4 miles one-way, is a blind cross-walk across a freeway entrance with no stop signs or lights. See Below.

We Made it Across!


Walking Over the Freeway

Walking Over the Freeway

We had Paul meet us at the mall, and this is what I weedled him into buying:

Available at SEARS.

Available at SEARS!




After the mall, I felt like eating In-N-Out for about a second, so, of course, the guys took the opportunity to prey upon my moment of weakness.

I Think the Cashier was a Teeny Bit Annoyed by All the Special Requests

I Think the Cashier was a Teeny Bit Annoyed by All the Special Requests

We saw an Oregon Ducks fan at In-N-Out. I was wearing my Alabama sweater. We gave him the stank eye. No we didn’t. Yes, we did.

Ahh, In-N-Out, Always a Disappointment...

Ahh, In-N-Out, Always a Disappointment…

Why does In-N-Out get cold the moment the food hits the table? THEY’RE OVERRATED! NOT a reason to move to LA!

Day 5 Nike+ FuelBand SE (11/11/13)

The Jewels of... the Insides of Fish

The Jewels of… the Insides of Fish

Two Year Anniversary! We celebrated with sashimi and a whole lotta doing nothing, but I did manage to get in the requisite points to maintain my streak, so YAY!

PanoRama piKtuRes R HaRd

PanoRama piKtuRes R HaRd

Share with whom?!

Share with whom?!

Reason #67 To Live & Die in Los Angeles (In No Particular Order): Wing Hop Fung


While not the best-known green leaf in LA, high-quality, loose-leaf tea at low-low prices is a wonderful privilege of those who choose to live along these God-forsaken fault lines.

Beautiful Hondeydew Sencha Green Tea

Beautiful Hondeydew Sencha Green Tea

Boring Story Part:

[If the South deprived me of anything growing up, it was the wide-world of real tea. Hating sweet tea is one of my earliest memories! I was 2 or 3, scooping small cups of powdered “fake tea” from a yellow Lipton cylinder and wondering how crappy real tea must have been if fake tea was this bad.

It really does taste like honeydew!

It really does taste like honeydew!

Then, a couple of months ago, while still in the heat of my Starbucks-every day routine, I decided to start drinking tea, partially to reduce the butt-load of sugar I was consuming in sweetened coffee-drinks, and also because the extreme intake of caffeine was starting to make me a little loopy. So, I eased myself in with Green Tea Lattes, then pushed on through to a brief period of sweetened green teas (brief because of how bad sweetened green tea is) and finally, I made it to unsweetened iced green teas. I also joined the Starbucks rewards program because you get free refills on iced teas (provided you stay on the premises)! So, if you’re doing work at Starbucks, you’d be a fool not to get with the program!

From Starbucks, I moved on to drinking cheap tea bags from SUNLAND PRODUCE, then, to loose-leaf black tea from India, and finally, Silky Green loose leaf tea from Wing Hop Fung in Chinatown. ]

End Boring Story Part

I was a little shocked by the prices at Wing Hop Fung. Some teas are upwards of $600/lb (most are around $40-70/lb), but because of the quality of the tea, you can get 8-15 steepings (except black teas, but I re-steep them anyway). Two teaspoons is enough for two people to drink tea all day. Now, compare that with LA’s most famous green at $5,200/lb (usually only good for one “steeping”), and tea is basically free! Hooray!

Our most expensive tea to date. Noticeably better than our $50-60 oolongs.

Our most expensive tea to date. Noticeably better than our $50-60 oolongs.

My only advice to first-time Wing Hoppers is not to buy cheap ($40/lb) Pu-er. It’s not worth it, man! Just save up your money and buy the fancy stuff.

Fun Fact #1: Tea bags are usually filled with fannings (or tea dust) that have been swept off of tea factory floors. I mean, what’s the difference between crumbled up outdoor leaf dust and dirt/human hair, really?

Fun Fact #2: The bacteria sprayed onto Pu-er is a Chinese national secret.

Fun Fact #3: Chinese tea is far superior to Japanese tea. There, I said it! Whatwhut?! You got a problem with that? Bring it!

Fun Fact #4: Sweet tea still tastes like ass to me. Oh, we’re offendin’ everybody up in chya!


Ow, I Stabbed Myself in the $^%*ing Hand! And Other News.

As you may have heard, I stabbed myself in the hand recently. Imagine me, in the kitchen, hacking at a cheap plastic container of frozen butter with a pairing knife. My hand hurts just thinking of this… Now, imagine said flimsy plastic container being suspended in the air by none other than my left hand (or right hand, if you’re left-handed, no discrimination here).

A few violent stabbings later, the butter split, and the knife exploded out of the cheapest to-go container known to man, and inserted itself deep into the muscular padding below my left (or right) thumb. The integrity of my muscle had, for the first time,  been considerably compromised. The bleeding didn’t last long, a couple minutes, but the pain was as confusing as it was intense. It shot up my thumb and radiated from the back of my hand. My fingers hurt when I moved them. I started to freak out about nerve damage, but I got distracted with thoughts of how gross the concept of split flesh was and how my potential career as a hand model was over before it had ever started. Watch companies don’t hire hands that look like the slowest manatees in the Everglades!

I'm not gonna show pictures of boat-beaten manatees! What's wrong with you?!

I’m not gonna show pictures of boat-beaten manatees! Look that sh*t up on your own time!

I guess the moral of the story is that these things happen. If you cook all the time, it might be inevitable. Maybe it’s a rite of passage. My hand hurts.


“Sup, Bro?”
“Nothin’ much, Brodebega. Sweet stache.”
“Movember’s upon us, dude. I heard Ashley’s having a party over at her place to celebrate.”
“Dude, we should totes floats over there.”
“Right behind you, man.”


I have been going through a lot of philosophical growing pains, especially as I arrive at the stage where I take a long hard look at the universe and life and realize that there is no point, no purpose, no meaning to any of this. I think that there must be something beyond the Dawkinsian view of the universe, but if there is, it won’t be reached in a day.

Lovely sentiment, but not enough to get me out of bed.

Lovely sentiment, but not enough to get me out of bed.

On a lighter note, the idea of true randomness* is a pretty good mind f#ck.

*as in the possibility of multiple outcomes when everything is controlled for, including time.

A Story About Randomness

Your wife calls and tells you to pick something up for dinner.

“Anything,” she says.

You don’t believe her, but here you are, standing in the frozen food section, the fluorescents lightly flickering and buzzing above you. You’re in a hurry, but you’re stalled by what’s gonna make everyone happy… (And by everyone, you mean your wife.) Organic Hippy Pizza or Sustainable Lasagna? It’s close. Damn close.

Decisions, decisions...

“Well, I came here for beer, and I’m leaving with beer.”

You grab the Sustainable Lasagna and head to the checkout with high hopes that there will be no yelling or passive aggressive insults when you get home.


Now, rewind. If we go back in time to the moment you made your decision, would it be the same?

The conditions are exactly the same physically, temporally, mentally. Sure, it was close, but if everything were exactly the same, we can assume you’d make the same decision.


Now, what if we did it a hundred times? A thousand? A million? Would you make that same close decision EVERY SINGLE TIME?

If you believe that you would EVER make a different decision given the EXACT SAME circumstances, then you believe** that true randomness is possible.


If you believe that the same close decision would be made ad infinitum, then you believe** that the universe is deterministic. Everything is comprehensible and able to be determined, if you have enough information about the situation in question. Everything happens for a concrete reason (not to be confused with purpose, or divine reason).


**At least, I believe you believe that.


If you could get a glimpse of future, decade-from-now YOU and see how THEY were living – good, bad, doesn’t matter – do you think you could change that future? What if I told you that future YOU saw the same future you saw? THEY were privy to the exact same information, because, hey, THEY’RE you. THEY made decisions informed by what they saw, and THEY ended up exactly where the future glimpse foretold.

Now, could you change your destiny?*

*to the contrary Mary(s) thinking you could just kill yourself, I hope the vision of your future self wasn’t just some crazy dream.

Korean Barbecue for $5 a Person

Okay, if you want to get technical, we had a lot of ingredients at the house already, so the cost would be significantly higher if you didn’t have say, a butt-ton of sesame oil, a gas burner and a Korean BBQ grill. But if you love Korean BBQ and have no patience for crowds or waiters that dole out meat like it came from their pet cow Mandy, maybe it’s time to invest in a lil’ KBBQ set-up of your own.

This particular KBBQ experience was our best yet. We managed to maintain the right temperature, hastily filled vacant grill space, and we avoided an over-abundance of banchan (Korean side dishes), which meant no sad, ignored dishes at the end of the meal.

WARNING: It might be a terrible idea to grill indoors. I don’t know. I do know that repeated grilling tends to coat the entire room in a thin film of grease, but that’s between you and your landlord. We put a towel over Paul’s new iMac out of courtesy (to Steve Jobs, not Paul).

Enjoy the extra capital letters, on me. ^_~

Rice Paper & Radish Wrappers

Rice Paper ($2.49) & Radish Wrappers (Regular and Wasabi) ($.99 ea.)

Gas Burner... Not sure if you're supposed to use these indoors. Probably not.

Gas Burner. Fire Risk? MAYBE!

Photo Jan 26, 8 04 38 PM

More Than Enough Meat For Us Three Humans. ($9.17)

Boiling Rice Paper

Boiling Rice Paper. 5 Minutes Should Do It.

Photo Jan 26, 8 45 15 PM

Cutting Rice Paper Into Squares In The Dumbest Way Possible?

For a lovely, sesame-oily dipping sauce, COMBINE:

Bout Time for More Sesame Oil

Bout Time For More Sesame Oil. It’s Cheaper To Buy It In Huge Quantities, But What Isn’t?


Korean Chili Pepper Flakes

Korean Chili Pepper Flakes!


Handy Dandy Kosher Salt Holder, a la Alton Brown.

Handy Dandy Kosher Salt Holder, a la Alton Brown.


Photo Jan 26, 8 54 05 PM

Ohh, Mama…

For Strong-Flavored Meat Paste, MIX:

Photo Jan 26, 8 39 39 PM

Fermented Soybean Paste


Chili Paste

Chili Paste

Figure out your proportion preference:

Photo Jan 26, 8 42 13 PM

Salty, Spicy Goodness.

Since we couldn’t drink Coke, we picked up a few of these:

Concentrated Water Flavory Stuff. Found it on sale at HK for $1. We bought 18.

Concentrated Water Flavor Stuff. Found Them On Sale At HK Market For $.99.
The Next Day, We Went Back And Bought 15 More…

Photo Jan 26, 8 51 21 PM

The Bottle Said To Add 9 Parts Water To 1 Part Syrup, But This Was Enough For Me.

Photo Jan 26, 8 51 58 PM

F*ck you, MIO!

Photo Jan 26, 8 54 53 PM


Photo Jan 26, 8 55 20 PM

Can You Spot Paul’s Baby Chopsticks?

Okay, starting to get sick of gratuitous capitals.


Love… ($1.99, but we only used 1/3 bag)

Photo Jan 26, 8 58 46 PM

Sesame Oil + Garlic in the Middle

Photo Jan 26, 9 02 33 PM

Garlic Porn.

Photo Jan 26, 9 02 39 PM

Not Pretty, but Smear Rice Paper and Radish Wraps w/ Meat Paste.

Photo Jan 26, 9 02 13 PM

Dip meat in Sesame Oil Dip.

Photo Jan 26, 9 02 50 PM

Add Meat and Garlic (Careful, it’s Hot!) and Enjoy!

Oh, god… I want Korean Barbecue! I can’t believe I was old enough to vote before I got to experience this. If there’s a hedonist bone in your body, KBBQ will change your life. It may be the reason I’m proud to be Korean.

Total cost of items purchased for this particular KBBQ (meat, full bag of garlic, rice and radish wraps, one bottle drink concentrate): $16.62/3 people = $5.54 

Another super-long photopost by Christy

Bison Chuck Roast in Photos

As far as I know, the only warning about grassfed bison is that it is easily dried out. Given the value of the bison and my recent string of oven blunders, I opted for the foolproof, slow-cook method.

For more better bison recipes, visit: 

For more foodporn, check out our lovely follower: BunnyandPorkBelly

Okey dokey, let’s get started. In your trusty crockpot, add:

6-8 Large Carrots. Hmm, that doesn’t seem like enough…


There we go!


1/2 Head of Cabbage


Cauliflower (if you want it) and a Medium Onion


Lindner Grassfed Bison Chuck Roast
At $10.25/lb, it was like cooking with gold. ~_~ I was terrified.


Wasn’t sure if I was supposed to leave this on… I didn’t.


Salt, Pepper, Rosemary and Thyme


Herbal Camouflage. Actually, I did it to keep the lid of the crockpot from touching the meat.


Add Water, Slap the Lid On, and Cook on Low for 20 Hours (or less, your choice).

Photo Jan 24, 10 21 41 AM

Voila! It tastes pretty much just like beef. -__-

What did I learn?

Grassfed bison doesn’t shrink as much as my usual manager’s special beef, but that doesn’t begin to put bison in the same price range (unless you make a lot more money than me, which you probably do  -_^).

Grassfed bison and grassfed meat in general is supposedly more nutrient-dense than grainfed meats. I guess I buy that.

While the flavor is similar to beef chuck roast cooked in the crockpot, it does taste like really good beef, and it has an amazing color and smell. I guess I’d have to cook a beef roast to make a fair comparison, but my belly is full of bison, and I refuse.

I found the vegetables and “soup” to be woefully under-salted, but I worried that adding a lot of salt to the crockpot would dry out the meat. <–That may not be good food science.

If you have any amazing crockpot recipes, feel free to let me know. I’ve got two men and a cat to feed!


Maybe I’m Missing the Aubergine Gene…

If you saw my post on rendering bison kidney fat, you know that my last attempt at making baba ghanoush ended with my accidentally leaving the roasted aubergines (eggplants) in the oven for two days. That’s what makes this post extra weird…


Previously forgotten eggplants

Determined not to let baba ghanoush get the best of me, I bought two new eggplants and put them in the oven at 420˚F. About 40 minutes later, I heard a thunderous boom that sounded like someone dropping a bag of cement on our roof, from a helicopter. I ran to the oven and opened the door to discover: the squid-like remains of a blown-up aubergine.

exploding Eggplant explosion

Atomic Aubergine Aftermath

explode exploding explosion eggplant aubergine

20,000 Leagues

The exploding eggplant was so loud, it woke Paul up, and it was at about this time that I really started to question whether or not I should be allowed to cook things in the oven. Apparently, I should have poked holes in the skin of the eggplant, but in my defense, the recipe didn’t mention it, the eggplants didn’t explode last time, and I didn’t think about it. : (

Now, I could have let the eggplants have their way. I could have not eaten them. But I did, because they deserved it.

Photo Jan 21, 6 40 53 PM

Boom! Baba Ghanoush!

Photo Jan 21, 6 41 23 PM

Who’s laughing now, eggplants?! Hahaha! Me. I am laughing.

How was it? Hmm, filling is the first word that comes to mind. It has a light texture, but the flavor is thick, if that makes sense. I also used a little bit of whole milk instead of yogurt and omitted the parsley, because I didn’t have any of that, either. Dang it, I forgot to put the garlic in it, too?!

My janked recipe for Baba Ghanoush:


2 Large Aubergines (eggplants)

3 tbsp Tahini

2 tbsp Lemon Juice from Concentrate, or the Juice of 1 Lemon

1/4 cup Whole Milk

Salt and Ground Black Pepper (to taste)

Olive Oil (for drizzling)

Pitted Kalamata Olives (for topping)

1. Preheat oven to 420º F, or whatever temperature you feel like using.

2. POKE HOLES in the eggplants, and put them in the oven. I used a roasting pan with a grate, but I don’t think it matters.

3. Turn the eggplants as you see fit.

4. Once the meat of the eggplant seems soft, take the eggplants out of the oven and place them in a plastic bag to “sweat” them. Not sure whether this step is necessary, either.

5. Extract the meat of the eggplant.

6. Put the tahini and lemon juice in a food processor to mix.

7. Add the milk and process some more.

8. Add the eggplant and process until smooth.

9. Process in salt and pepper (and 2 cloves of garlic, if you’d like) to taste, then pour into a serving container and top with olive oil and sliced olives.

10. Serve with crackers, pita, or some other bread-type deal.

Dang ol’ “Ta-da!” Eggplant dip for the masses!