Christy and Paul 2013

A year without internet, media and junkfood. Lord, help us.

Category: personal

A Last Look at Christy’s DVD Collection

It’s the end of an era. After several attempts over the years to cull my unwieldy collection of DVDs, it’s finally time to say goodbye to what’s left. I figure now’s as good a time as any to reflect on my relationship with the only thing I’ve ever collected!

By the way, if anyone has any suggestions of how to get rid of these DVDs, leave a comment.

Documentaries: Still haven’t seen any except My Kid Could Paint That, which I watched before the last major purge. I guess unwatched DVD documentaries are like unread books. Now that the Internet’s around, you’ll probably never be that bored again.

Documentaries

Documentaries

Teenage Girl Movies: I still haven’t seen Hysterical Blindness or In Good Company, but generally, in the rare instance that I bought a girly movie, I made it a point to watch it. Good for me!

Teenage Girl Movies

Teenage Girl Movies

Teenage Boy Movies: With the exception of Memento, I’ve watched all of these. I’d say that most of these are probably gender-neutral, but you gotta differentiate somehow, right? I watched Little Nicky A LOT as a teen.

Teenage Boy Movies

Teenage Boy Movies

Kids Movies: I have seen all of these movies, although I never actually watched my copy of The Little Prince. It’s occurring to me as I read through all of these titles that I was indifferent to most of the DVDs I had even when they were new. I grew up with The Secret of Nimh and The Incredible Mr. Limpet, but why did I choose to buy them as an adult? They’re both boring. The same goes for The Little Prince: probably beautiful or some shit, but still boring. I was trying to buy a memory. Dumb.

Kids Movies

Kids Movies

Disney Movies: Nostalgia strikes again! If I’m being honest with myself, I could have cut this down to just Aladdin years ago.

Disney Collection

Disney Collection

Classics: Screwball comedies from the 1940s-60s are my favorite classic movies. They are also very easy to find on Netflix and Amazon and Hulu, so owning them is redundant. I recommend People Will Talk (Netflix) and Wives and Lovers (Amazon Prime). Heaven Can Wait with Don Ameche and Gene Tierney is also good when you can find it.

Classic Movies

Classic Movies

Indie Comedies: I’ve watched about half of these. Some, like The Trouble with Dee Dee and Gray Matters, were purchased when Movie Gallery was going out of business. It took me five years to realize that you don’t have to keep things just because they’re rare. I’m not saying they’re valuable. They’re just so indie you’d probably never find them again unless you were searching for them. But they’re also so unmemorable that if you got rid of them, you’d never remember to search for them, so if you’re interested in them at all, you’d better keep them if you ever want to watch them. This is the logic that fills your home with garbage.

Indie Comedies

Indie Comedies

Indie Dramas and Such: I’ve watched about half of these. I don’t usually like dramas, but The Namesake, Closer and Match Point are the closest I’ve come to experiencing films as art. I’m satisfied with that and from henceforth, I shan’t continue the search for pretentious artsy dramas!

Indie Dramas and Such

Indie Dramas and Such

TV Series: As much as I’ve always preferred TV to movies, I never really bought into the idea that TV on DVD was a great idea. Searching for a specific episode on a specific disk, getting up to put said disk into a game console, going through the menu, and God help me, those DVDs without a Play All feature – I’ve endured it, but that time is over now.

TV Series

TV Series

(Mostly) European Films: I’ve seen about half of these. Would I have watched more of them if Paul weren’t such a humongous baby about being forced to read regular, English words which he encounters on a daily basis? Who can say? Yes. Being friends with Paul has made me dumber and less civilized. Happy Freaking Birthday, Paul.

(Mostly) European Films

(Mostly) European Films

Asian Films: I’ve seen less than half of these. I tried to watch The Iron Ladies with Paul, but he refused because he hates all things gender-bending and foreign.  Most of the ones I watched were Korean. Thanks again, PAUL! Happy Birthday! You uncultured dick!

Asian Films

Asian Films

My Top 12: At one point, my collection included more than 700 DVDs, and I would have traded them all for the dozen you see in the picture below (in a world where DVDs are the only currency and there is only one copy of each DVD… this is unraveling). With the exception of the extremely rare Eat Your Heart Out, these DVDs have defined a decade of my life, and I think 28 is a fitting age at which to let them go. Goodbye, old identity. Hello, nothingness!

My Top 12

My Top 12

Happy 28th Birthday Paul! You’re 28! You’ve been an adult for a full decade and this is what you’re life is like! This is what you accomplished with the 3,650 days since you turned 18. Take what you think you could accomplish in one month, multiply that by 120, and that’s how much you could have accomplished by now! If you took six months to write one script, you could have completed 20 full-length screenplays by now! WOW! Congratulations!

Ending on a High Note: A Year in Retrospect.

Well, it’s that time of year again. You know, the end of it. It’s a time to conjure up a new reason to live after all the seasonal S.A.D.ness and the waking up every day after the sun’s gone down. A time to say goodbye to the blog and reflect on the results of our year-long experiment. A time to get on with it already.

But before we do that, I would like to thank everyONE in our intimate blogging community for commenting and keeping up with the Klardashienz. We’ll miss you someday.

Oh, and if you like photography, VISIT THIS PAGE!!! ==> http://japankharma.wordpress.com

Photos courtesy of (with no permission) Brent's iPhone and Japan!

Photos courtesy of (with no permission) Brent’s iPhone and Japan!

Awesome and FREQUENTLY updated blog from Japan! http://japankharma.wordpress.com/

Awesome and FREQUENTLY updated blog from Japan! http://japankharma.wordpress.com/

Ahem, on with the show…

January

  • No internet, media watching, texting or video games.
  • ~55 WordPress posts!
  • Enter short screenwriting thingy.
  • Create Nicksabanfacts.com.
  • Cook A LOT.
  • Blow up an eggplant in the oven.
  • Take more pictures of myself than my parents have looked at me.
  • We’re sure this will be the most productive year ever!
Eggsplat. No, eggsplosion.

Eggsplat. No, eggsplosion.

February

  • I win a Scriptshadow shorts week spot!
  • Start work on Dog Tags.
  • I meet the Scripstshadow guy in person. He encourages me to send him the finished script.
  • We feel confident that this screenwriting thing is gonna happen, yeah!

March

  • Finish first draft of script.
  • Get too drunk and eat too much KFC.
  • Go to see the heads of screenplay contests lie their asses off.
Don't do it, people!

Don’t do it, people!

Bigass BUCK'T of chicken.

Bigass BUCK’T of chicken.

April

  • Finish up Dog Tags.
  • Send it to Scriptshadow guy who never returns my e-mail.
  • Start going to Starbucks while my husband’s at work.
  • Meet friendly local screenwriter who likes my work.
  • Experiment with fasting.

May

  • Get “encouraged to move” by landlords who want to sell.
  • Publish one post about apartment hunting.
  • Apartment hunt.
  • Decide that extended fasting is bull after seeing countless pictures of dull-haired anorexics with the caption: “I’m not starving, I’m feasting on fat!”
  • Win top prize at Pinup Girl Boutique drawing: fancy-shmancy skincare products, $100 worth of Masuimi Max’s makeup and my makeup done by Micheline Pitt.
So much makeup...

So much makeup…

June

July

  • Post one catch-all post.
  • Start work on gold diggers script.
  • Work on friend’s fashion magazine.
The cover on the left is my masterpiece!

The cover on the left is my masterpiece!

August

  • Another one-post month.
  • Start to get into quantum physics and the meaning of existence.
  • Start to realize that we do what we want, and that I must not “want” to be a screenwriter.

September

  • Call my parents from Pasadena “just because” for the first time.
  • Stab myself in hand with paring knife. It leaves a scar.
  • Start my search for my birth parents.
  • My dad falls and breaks his leg. He stays in the hospital for over two weeks, but I never call.
  • My dad dies in the hospital.
Me and my dad. I'm the one in the pink. Check out that crazy 80's light fixture!

Me and my dad. I’m the confused one in the pink. Check out that crazy 80’s light fixture!

October

Paul's Fanciest Birfday Present

Paul’s Fanciest Birfday Present

November

  • Sign up for Nanowrimo.
  • Throw Paul’s Christmas Birthday.
  • Give up on Nanowrimo.
  • Get new Nike Fuelband.
  • Go Fuelband crazy.
  • Go home for Thanksgiving.
  • Help mom get her affairs in order.
  • Get asked by Food Network for rights to our eggplant explosion pictures.

December

  • Paul posts a lot while we’re gone.
  • Return to LA with renewed sense of agency.
  • Paul visits Alabama.
  • After years of thinking, finally figure out the meaning of existence: there is none.
  • Feel dissatisfied with the answer and stupid for thinking it would be satisfying.
  • Get depressed.
  • Feel distant from Paul when he gets back, because we’ve lost our shared dream of screenwriting and are starting to diverge paths, or because we worship different gods, or because we haven’t been separated for this long in years. Things just feel different.
  • Bet Paul $50 he can’t go to Sunday morning church eight weeks in a row.

Tomorrow

  • Celebrate New Year’s with Trey and Paul and Chodie Foster, uncertain where we’ll be this time next year, but grateful for the time we have left like this.
Shakes come & go... but Friends are Furrr-ever! Chuck E. Cheese's - 8/17/09

Shakes come & go…
but Friends are Furrr-ever!
Chuck E. Cheese’s – 8/17/09

Good night, dear reader, and good luck.

Christy.

Walk to the Mall

The only problem with the walk to the mall, other than it being 4 miles one-way, is a blind cross-walk across a freeway entrance with no stop signs or lights. See Below.

We Made it Across!

We Made it Across! LOOK OVER THERE! IT’S A DEATH-TRAP!

Walking Over the Freeway

Walking Over the Freeway

We had Paul meet us at the mall, and this is what I weedled him into buying:

Available at SEARS.

Available at SEARS!

LIMITED EDITION REECE’S!

AND PAUL ATE THEM ALL BY HIMSELF!

AND PAUL ATE THEM ALL BY HIMSELF! RUDE… SELFISH.

After the mall, I felt like eating In-N-Out for about a second, so, of course, the guys took the opportunity to prey upon my moment of weakness.

I Think the Cashier was a Teeny Bit Annoyed by All the Special Requests

I Think the Cashier was a Teeny Bit Annoyed by All the Special Requests

We saw an Oregon Ducks fan at In-N-Out. I was wearing my Alabama sweater. We gave him the stank eye. No we didn’t. Yes, we did.

Ahh, In-N-Out, Always a Disappointment...

Ahh, In-N-Out, Always a Disappointment…

Why does In-N-Out get cold the moment the food hits the table? THEY’RE OVERRATED! NOT a reason to move to LA!

Day 7 Nike+ FuelBand SE

I’m hitting my goals, but I’m losing Hours Won. I guess it is our natural inclination to optimize.

Not that last Wednesday was anything special...

Not that last Wednesday was anything special…

About once a month, my sleep schedule shifts little by little until I’m forced to stay up all night and all day to fix it again. I’m currently waking up at around 3:30 in the afternoon and going to sleep at around 5:00 in the morning. So… Soon.

Streak Week!!!

Streak Week!!! When you reach 7 days in a row, this guy gets his soul sucked out of his body. Something to aspire to.

I wish I had a stronger circadian rhythm. According to one study that I can’t source right now, people with weak ones are more likely to develop Alzheimer’s!

Another Brilliant Idea by ME

While I generally avoid taking pictures of nouns in public, I’ve realized that it may be a necessary evil in my pursuit of getting old friends to visit old, used-up LA.

So, from now on, I will post pictures of cool stuff to do in LA, stuff that you too could be dragged along to do. Think of it as a tourist package. You can plan out your perfect week in LA, make-a-wish style, then all you have to do is fly out to LA, and we make your dreams come true! Sounds too good to be true, right? Well, it’s not, it’s– WE NEED VISITORS!

Brandon, John, Laura, Daniel, Hiro, lookin’ at you… That’s right.

Love,

Christy

Personal News Updates

If you’ve scoured every inch of my blog, you may have already seen the old news, but here it is again in the likely event that you didn’t: on September 20th, my dad died. He was 62. He fell and shattered his femur in early September and was still at the hospital for physical rehab when he fell again, likely knocking a blood clot loose that killed him in his sleep. He always said he wanted to die in his sleep. I wonder how many people actually do. You mean to tell me a stiff breeze or an involuntary leg spasm can wake us up, but not our body going into cardiac arrest? Maybe “they died in their sleep” is just a euphemism. Either way, I think I’d rather be fully awake and terrified, the way God intended it.

When I last saw him in July, he was showing off the Happy Retirement card he’d received from his co-workers, and he told me that retirement was like “having the world lifted” from his shoulders. My mom was a few months away from early retirement as well, which was actually what made his death hit the hardest for me. I couldn’t imagine having the rug so thoroughly pulled out from under you when you’d worked your whole life to get there. Putting off life til retirement can be a death sentence, and while our generation may wind up homeless sans 401k, I’m proud to be part of a flow in a new direction.

What else? A few weeks prior to “the fall,” I began my search for my birth parents. It took a while and a few lost e-mails, but I was informed a couple of days ago that they had located my birth father. I gave them the go ahead to contact him, so they said they would be sending a telegram… I didn’t even know they still had those.

I imagine some postal worker with a kazoo informing my birth father at his doorstep that his biological daughter is still alive in America, and would he like to communicate with her? At this point, the door creaks open and his wife and kids stand gap-mawed and confused. The postman stands with a frozen smile as the door swings shut. Indoor shouting ensues.

Anywho, I’ll keep you updated.

What else? Oh, yesterday my grandfather-in-law fractured his femur and is in the hospital. I blame the blog. I don’t remember other years being this eventful. Then again, I do have short-term memory… Well, how often do you start a search for your birth parents and have a parent die a few weeks later? Can’t be more than once, twice a year.

In less strange news, the arranging of Paul’s Christmas-themed birthday party next Saturday has proven more difficult than anticipated in these pre-Halloween times. On the upside, however, I do have a turkey.

-Christy

Ow, I Stabbed Myself in the $^%*ing Hand! And Other News.

As you may have heard, I stabbed myself in the hand recently. Imagine me, in the kitchen, hacking at a cheap plastic container of frozen butter with a pairing knife. My hand hurts just thinking of this… Now, imagine said flimsy plastic container being suspended in the air by none other than my left hand (or right hand, if you’re left-handed, no discrimination here).

A few violent stabbings later, the butter split, and the knife exploded out of the cheapest to-go container known to man, and inserted itself deep into the muscular padding below my left (or right) thumb. The integrity of my muscle had, for the first time,  been considerably compromised. The bleeding didn’t last long, a couple minutes, but the pain was as confusing as it was intense. It shot up my thumb and radiated from the back of my hand. My fingers hurt when I moved them. I started to freak out about nerve damage, but I got distracted with thoughts of how gross the concept of split flesh was and how my potential career as a hand model was over before it had ever started. Watch companies don’t hire hands that look like the slowest manatees in the Everglades!

I'm not gonna show pictures of boat-beaten manatees! What's wrong with you?! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/01/manatee-photos-manatees_n_3678051.html

I’m not gonna show pictures of boat-beaten manatees! Look that sh*t up on your own time!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/01/manatee-photos-manatees_n_3678051.html

I guess the moral of the story is that these things happen. If you cook all the time, it might be inevitable. Maybe it’s a rite of passage. My hand hurts.

o-MANATEES-900

“Sup, Bro?”
“Nothin’ much, Brodebega. Sweet stache.”
“Movember’s upon us, dude. I heard Ashley’s having a party over at her place to celebrate.”
“Dude, we should totes floats over there.”
“Right behind you, man.”
#hashtag

AND OTHER NEWS:

I have been going through a lot of philosophical growing pains, especially as I arrive at the stage where I take a long hard look at the universe and life and realize that there is no point, no purpose, no meaning to any of this. I think that there must be something beyond the Dawkinsian view of the universe, but if there is, it won’t be reached in a day.

Lovely sentiment, but not enough to get me out of bed.

Lovely sentiment, but not enough to get me out of bed.

On a lighter note, the idea of true randomness* is a pretty good mind f#ck.

*as in the possibility of multiple outcomes when everything is controlled for, including time.

A Story About Randomness

Your wife calls and tells you to pick something up for dinner.

“Anything,” she says.

You don’t believe her, but here you are, standing in the frozen food section, the fluorescents lightly flickering and buzzing above you. You’re in a hurry, but you’re stalled by what’s gonna make everyone happy… (And by everyone, you mean your wife.) Organic Hippy Pizza or Sustainable Lasagna? It’s close. Damn close.

Decisions, decisions... http://www.entreprelife.com/how-to-eat-well-on-175-a-month/

“Well, I came here for beer, and I’m leaving with beer.”
http://www.entreprelife.com/how-to-eat-well-on-175-a-month/

You grab the Sustainable Lasagna and head to the checkout with high hopes that there will be no yelling or passive aggressive insults when you get home.

THE END

Now, rewind. If we go back in time to the moment you made your decision, would it be the same?

The conditions are exactly the same physically, temporally, mentally. Sure, it was close, but if everything were exactly the same, we can assume you’d make the same decision.

THE END

Now, what if we did it a hundred times? A thousand? A million? Would you make that same close decision EVERY SINGLE TIME?

If you believe that you would EVER make a different decision given the EXACT SAME circumstances, then you believe** that true randomness is possible.

THE END

If you believe that the same close decision would be made ad infinitum, then you believe** that the universe is deterministic. Everything is comprehensible and able to be determined, if you have enough information about the situation in question. Everything happens for a concrete reason (not to be confused with purpose, or divine reason).

THE END

**At least, I believe you believe that.

LAST HYPOTHETICAL FOR RANDOM & NON-RANDOMERS

If you could get a glimpse of future, decade-from-now YOU and see how THEY were living – good, bad, doesn’t matter – do you think you could change that future? What if I told you that future YOU saw the same future you saw? THEY were privy to the exact same information, because, hey, THEY’RE you. THEY made decisions informed by what they saw, and THEY ended up exactly where the future glimpse foretold.

Now, could you change your destiny?*

*to the contrary Mary(s) thinking you could just kill yourself, I hope the vision of your future self wasn’t just some crazy dream.

The Magazine’s Out and My Fashionable Doppleganger

Remember that magazine cover I helped design? HERE IT IS!

Image

I did the one on the left…

Paul, Jimon and I are going to Vegas this weekend to celebrate the release of the magazine and Jimon’s going away to NY Fashion Week, whenever that is…

masthead

Editor-in-Chief / Creative Director
Jimon Aframian

Contributing Editors
Roger Gastman [Los Angeles]
Me [Los Angeles]!
Sabrina Yasmine Smith [New York]
Erin Bennett [Los Angeles]
Tamara Cincik [London]

Digital Editor
Trey Davis

Graphics
Jimon
Me!

Photographers
Luzena Adams
Bastian Achard
Eddie Chacon
Hiroshi Manaka
Tomokazu Hamada
Chip Willis
Ed Fox
Sylvie Blum

Contributing Fashion Editors
James Rosenthal
Sissy Sainte-Marie
Yoshiki
Oono Haruka

Contributing Beauty Editors
Philipp Koch Verheyen
Elsa Canedo
Cheyenne Timperio
Jeffrey Baum
Tony Vin
Shinya Fukami
Tsuyoshi Watanabe
Christina Van Zon
Keiko Tada
Makoto

Cover
Sylvie Blum

Back cover photography
Batian Achard

Copy Editor
Me!

Special Thanks
Me!
Trey Davis
Jason Napolitano
Razmik Avedissian
Sylvie Blum

Publisher
Jimon Aframian

To advertise:
Advertise@jimon-magazine.com

To buy or subscribe:
http://www.jimon-magazine.com

AND

I was googling “Asian red hair dye” and stumbled upon this picture:

Image

luluandyourmom.blogspot.com

Quick photo, because what's the point of all this without any evidence?!

Quick photo, because what’s the point of all this without any evidence?!

I briefly entertained the idea that someone could have taken a picture of me without my knowing and posted it on the interwebs, but then I noticed the jewelry. It’s all way cooler than anything I would ever wear. She also has a fashion blog, which you can see here: luluandyourmom.blogspot.com. I love the “and your mom” joke. I once filled out Paul’s OKCupid profile entirely in “your mom” jokes, and I think it scored him some dates (not the fruit kind), so there you go world! Girls like your mom jokes! And so does your mom.

Magazines, Make-up and Make-Believe

Hello, old friend…

I’m about to condense the hell out of some time. INHALe…

The last Friday of May, we all went to a Ladies Night thingy at Pinup Girl Boutique.

Image

We got there late because we were finishing the move out of the old place, so I missed the Great Gatsby make-up tutorial by pinup model and America’s Next Top Model contestant Micheline Pitt (who also owns the boutique?).

Image

Image

The place was packed to the gills with decked-out pinup peeps, possibly because it’s always busy on ladies night, or maybe because fetish model Masuimi Max was there launching her make-up line, I AM SIN.

Image

Image

In honor of the launch, and probably to support sales, there was a raffle for people who bought I AM SIN makeup. It was down to the last eight minutes when we got there, and I was hesitant because there were so many people who already had tickets. With a few seconds to spare, my husband goaded me into buying something so I would stop being so mopey.

They announced the first winner, wasn’t me. The second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth. Dang it, this $18 lipstick had better be good. They pumped up the audience for the grand prize: Masuimi’s fancy-ass skincare regimen, $100 gift certificate for more I AM SIN make-up and buhbuhduhbuh! Micheline Pitt does your make-up (a $75 value)! AND…

They didn’t call my number.

Image

Just kidding, they did.

And a mere two months later, I was getting my make-up done by Micheline Pitt. By this time, I had also become friends with a photographer and worked on his magazine (I helped design the cover of the next issue! I’ll post a picture of it when it goes to newsstands). So, after I got my make-up done, I got to do an embarrassing photo shoot with my fancy makeup and new dress (and new heels, which DESTROYED me).

Image

News Anchor?

Image

Eyes Closed, Showcasing the Make-up

Shadowy...

Photos by: Jimon Aframian

It’s been a long, strange trip. I still feel pretty un-photogenic, but I did something new, so… whatever that’s worth.

 

Oh, and all that hype and no pictures of the shoes?!

They're pretty... extremely uncomfortable.

They’re pretty… extremely uncomfortable.

 

And I’m writing my second full-length screenplay of the year! About gold diggers. You now know everything that I know.

Christy

New MacBook Air and iOS7

I got a laptop, and it’s a doozy! INTRODUCING MY NEW 13″ MacBook Air. 8 GB of RAM, with a 512 GB of Flash Storage!

12 Hour Battery Life! Longer than Necessary!

12 Hour Battery Life! Longer than Necessary!

Wondering how my computer managed to look so hipstery? Oh, you weren’t? Well, it’s iOS 7, bitches!

No more adding filters!*  *If you're easy to please

No more adding filters!*
*If you’re easy to please.

Eh, Brent? Ehh? Pretty pictures?

Expect even more posts than none!